Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Who is your Wingman?


Who else, with cavalier disregard for his personal reputation, is so willing to throw himself upon the cruel mercies of a brazen man-hater, just so his buddy can hook up with a sorority girl with big gazongas?

Who else, with just a hint of a grimace, will selflessly dirty dance with a creature so hideous that no amount of hard liquor will wash the stain from his memory?


Who else, especially if he’s loaded to the gills, will stand in the deepest depths of hell just so a pal can climb up his back into hook-up heaven?


Whose sterling motto is, “You are going to so owe me”? - None else but the wingman!


WHAT A WINGMAN DOES:

And just as that brave (some say suicidally insane) Spartan king and his hundred warriors laid down their lives against a hundred thousand Persians, so will the wingman, with the right amount of prodding, recklessly lunge into battle against foes twice his size and half his intellect, fully knowing there is no way in hell that the night will end well.


IT USUALLY GOES DOWN LIKE THIS: A male (the flight leader) spots an attractive female (the bombing target) across the bar. But alas, she is not alone. She is paired with a tragically less attractive friend (the cock blocker). And they seem quite close, so close that the BT is unlikely to abandon her CB for a guy she just met.


The FL knows he’ll never be able to successfully complete his bombing run without proper air cover, and this is where the wingman comes into play. The wingman will engage the CB and pin her down long enough for the FL to finish his run, and hopefully bomb his target back to his bedroom.


Of course, there’s much more to the task than distracting the CB while the FL makes his move.


Wingman skills have been honed and passed down since someone decided women should be allowed into bars. Strategies have evolved and tactics have been polished to the point that the wingman has become a super-specialized warrior in the eternal Battle of the Sexes. And like all specialists, they’ve developed their own lingo.


WINGMAN JARGON...Air superiority - when the flight team has established a comfortable conversation with the BT and CB.



  • BT - bombing target; the hot chick.

  • Banzai shot - much as kamikaze pilots were given a ceremonial shot of sake before being sealed in their cockpits, the flight leader should buy his wingman a shot prior to a mission.

  • Betty - an alliteration of Bombing Target.

  • Bogie - a friend of the BT that has not yet been identified as a CB.

  • CB - cock blocker; the hot girl’s troublesome friend and sworn enemy of the wingman. Also called a bandit.Dogfight - dancing with a CB.

  • FL - Flight leader; also called the bombardier.

  • Flak - snide remarks made by a CB in an attempt to drive the flight team from the skies.

  • Flying blind - when the wingman indulges in so much in-flight refueling he jeopardizes the mission.

  • Getting pinged - initial eye contact with a BT.

  • In-flight refueling - when a wingman orders a flurry of shots to help him complete his mission.

  • Kamikaze mission - when the wingman is likely to end up in the clutches of the CB.

  • Landing gear - a wingman’s self-respect; if a FL asks his wingman to “leave his landing gear behind,” he’s preparing the wingman for a flak storm or kamikaze mission.

  • POW - Prisoner of a Warthog; to go home with a CB, the supreme sacrifice of a wingman.

  • Pig Alley - a play off of the Korean War’s infamous MIG Alley, this describes a BT swarming with CBs.

  • Shite leader - a would-be flight leader without the skills to complete the mission.

  • Shoot and scoot - an attempt to engage with more than one CB at a time.

  • Tailgunning - when the wingman disgracefully abandons his air cover duties and attempts his own bombing run on the BT.

  • Yank and bank - an attempt by the FL to maneuver the BT away from the wingman and CB for some one-on-one time.


KNOW YOUR COCK BLOCKERS...Before you tip that throttle and rocket off the runway, it’s best to know what you’re up against. There are three types of CBs, namely:



  1. Cinderella’s Sister: This semi-attractive woman is secretly jealous of her more alluring friend and won’t want to see her hook up because she’s tired of being the bridesmaid. She’s an easy target for flattery, especially if you compare her favorably with her friend. Tagline: “Doesn’t she have great breasts? Too bad they’re fake.”

  2. Den Mother: She’s such a wonderful, responsible, caring person that she feels the need to watch over her “wild” friend and keep all the naughty boys at length. She’s been honing her CB skills since high school and knows all the tricks, but can be cracked with a “you should really let your friend live her own life, she’s all grown up now” attack. Tagline: “Come on, Sweety, you’ve had enough to drink and it’s time to go home.”

  3. Brumhilda: Tempered by the hot fires of spite and bitterness, she dislikes men in general, either because she’s been denied their attention or due to past romantic difficulties. She is the most dangerous CB because no amount of charm can flatter her into letting your FL fly off into the sunset with her friend. Only the most skilled and dogged of wingmen can neutralize her, usually by pretending he’s gay and equally bitter. Tagline: “Hey you. Yeah, you, asshole. It’s girls’ night out. No men allowed. So why don’t you go play Hide and Go Fuck Yourself?”

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Cisse -will he ever work? - destiny revealed!

Cisse has been now without a full time job for over a year, he completed his Degree in summer 06. Since there has been little / minimal grafting since. He is a back ache to all us tax payers. There are hundreds of jobs out there I have found one to help out our friend.
Please join me to vote...

Monday, May 21, 2007

Pompey in Europe Poll - Hmmm

Well some of you voted for whether Pompey will make Europe this season - I know it was not as popular as the Mcmillan one - (with young Kate Haines) but hey.

So Final scores are;

27.8% Yes of course - wrong.
38.9% Yes - wrong.
11.1% Possibly - wrong.
22.2% No - Correct answer.


And before you lot from the other side of Hampshire start banging on, I was going to do one on the chances of Southampton securing promotion via the play offs! But I was not quick enough! Doh.
Give me a shout on what you think the next poll should be.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Vanguard - early shout disgrace

Hey Kids !! Well this could be an early candidate for disgrace of the month, our man Reg - within days of his last offence. Manages to be the first I know to get barred from the church bar in town! Great work.... so Reg I think its pretty much up to u to find a contender for this month. - At the sametime - if you guys and girls have any nominee's give me a shout!!

Also im thinking about doing a hero of the month award, let me know your thoughts?

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Disgrace of the month? Hmm or is this a whole new category?

Well this month I im not really sure what to say... however; due to peer presure I will proceed.
A few days ago at a BBQ we were all sat round watching the snooker as you do, everyone happy sipping away at their beers and meat (well Cat had some peanuts as his teeth are not strong enough yet) and out of nowhere randomly we were all hit like a nosediving blue whale! Random Reg pipes up with this " I love Windass, he has an immense body, have you seen him with his shirt off?! What the fuck!! Well Reg there were several candidates for disgrace of the month, but I cannot even measure them against this!!!
Beware those other candidates..... I have the right to provide evidence next month - do not think you have escaped!

Well unless Reg decides to say something completely foolish again.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

David Blaine parody

Guys check this out this is hilarious!

Saturday, March 31, 2007

Disgrace of the Month - March

Fans, I know its late. I'v been busy with quarter end, yak yak yak, excuses I know. But there is a clear winner here and for 2 counts im afraid so im not going to consider any other candidates. Matthaius - you are disgrace of the month. And if I got a pic of that thing last night you were talking to you could have had a good shot for April as well - be warned! So here is

Matthaius covorting with his best mates sis!!!





And those specs, well hmmmm hopefully there was a lot of alcohol involved.

Catwalking in Liverpool

A messy weekend away in Liverpool, what more could the ladies want ........



The Hoff's came out at 5am in Travel Inn corridor in Liverpool. Looking good lads!! Music by Animal, good skills.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Weekend Madness

Greetings and Salutations guys and girls! Well what a weekend it has been, a lot to report, shame and praise, its hard to know where to begin. So let start with some shaming - well this one is straight forward, our man Stu or Unit depending if your related to him or not. Unit was a disgrace on the back of a friday night, he chundered in his bed.
Up Next we have young Royston, now what is his crime I hear you ask? Well he is off to Thailand soon and we wish him well, however he does need a haircut and a bath.

So where next, Matthaius is here again and what has the young lad done now? Well simple... he was all over a chunk in the rock friday night, well lets hope the fun was worth it! Check out the size of her hand! Quality work Matthaius.











Now every now and again there is a quality girl who is good value. At christmas we had Kirsten, the girl in chicago rock who danced on tables and flashed at old men. On Friday we had Kaz, now after telling us she was married she came out with some filthy words, some footage added below - awesome good work lads.


Next up we have Sainsey. Prior to this event he was picking up girls in the chuch, after sucessfully making a mess of Mcmillan, Sainsey was back on it making a nuisance of himself. Watch the video - classic. Shamefully Mcmillan was rather subdued and lack of action here make current disgrace of the month front runner Collo still listed as odds on favourite.


Sunday, February 04, 2007

Disgrace of the month - Feb

Feburary brings us some good days like; Pancake day, errrr... valentines day - arguably and of course disgrace of the month award.

Before I move on I can confirm that Reg was last months winner! His antics over the holiday period made him a clear winner, well done Reg.

So February's nominations, so far I am lacking attendees, so please feel free to place your nomination and I will get in touch. However; yesterday was a bad day for a lot of us, with Pompey continuing a bad run of form and with that was another away day to Wigan, Hmmm glam.

But who was supposed to go and did not show..... well it was our man Collo. Why I hear u ask? Collo is normally a reasonable performer on away days, a regular to Fratton and a decent chap.
Well he had a sore throat. Yes a SORE THROAT. What the hell is that? An excuse in year 5 at school not to do country dancing!!! Well Collo simply did not show, so ladies and gentleman Collo gets my vote so far. Let me know your thoughts below in the comments section. Collo, in the meantime if your reading this you have approx 20 days to rectify the error of your ways, best of luck to u.
Remember guys.... "pain is temporary, shame is forever"

Photo's to follow......

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Disgrace of the month - you decide

Well here is a new feature to the website. Its quite simple, you guys send me images of each other acting up or in a sorry state and the best two will go head to head for the disgrace of the week award.



LosAngles Welcomes the Beckhams!
1st up we have Football and popstar icon, Posh and Becks. Now with a lot of you discussing that Beckham has decided to go and play Mickey Mouse football in the states, who thinks he is
the Months biggest disgrace. - Best of luck to him in my opinion, Mclaren should have him in the England team.

Reg being a light weight and all, gets the proper treatment from the lads.
2nd up Reg. My god what did he drink to get in this state - a reliable source says 2 cans of red stripe and sniffing some petrol. Is your disgrace of the month Reg?


Note to kids and some adults;
Please keep away from petrol stations, petrol is an unsafe fuel to drink/sniff.
(12.01.07 Reg is currently serving a week at the priory to rid him from this horrendous addiction).

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Festive Fun

Happy new year to you all!

Welcome to 2007. Before I can tell you about the happenings over the last few weeks, I want to thank you all for all the help and assistance in making this site what it is today, whether it was sneding me a photo, recording a movie or simply just being up to no good and making us laugh! I wish you all a happy and prosperous 2007 and here's to some more fun and mischief for the forecoming year! Cheers guys.

The holiday break was no different a lot of beer consumed a few girls and some bad behaviour.

One of the first crimes I want to present is Matthaius, a regular to this site, lets hope he bucks up his ideas this year. Despite a wager with the lad that he wouldn't have his way with the opposite sex before the year end, resulted in 909 text messages sent to 5 different girls, no action and myself a few quid better off! Here is the man in action, what the hell is he up to!



Christmas brings out the monopoly board and a whole host of other games, we all used to play hide and seek and our man Harris decided to play this with all of us. Where's Wally was a favourite book of his as a boy. Sadly I don't think he will play this with us again.




Now another regular is squadron Mcmillan, now it has been brought to my attention that there may be a small crimes warrant for this behaviour.
Living in a world of few morales, there are a few rules that I feel we all should follow and one of them is not to have a go on one of your mates sister / mum. This results in a severe lack of trust and a potential fight for the offended one. Well up step Hainsey's sister the lovely Kate - well known to all, sure we have thought about it, even teased Hainsey, but never done it.
So I ask you all did Mcmillan have his way with young Kate?

World map